Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Just let me vent

My freaking hormones are everywhere. Up, down, and all around.
Sometimes I seriously hate being a woman.
This is going to be one of those blogs where I just complain.
Today, it'll be my sister.
I bought her and her friend Preds tickets a couple weeks ago and have yet to see the money.
Yet, she's paraded in and out of the house with new shoes, a new wallet, and has gone and bought a bridesmaid's dress. It's $20. Seriously?!
Now, I'm not in a desperate need for the money, but it's a decency thing. It's like she walks around thinking she's on top of the world and doesn't have to worry about anything. She's irresponsible about almost everything.
She says her biggest fear is disappointing our parents. And I get that. I'm always worried about that too. But if you're so worried, you work your tail off to make sure you don't do anything that could possibly disappoint them. The fact that she goes out and parties all the time irritates me. She still hasn't told them she failed three classes last semester because of all the partying she did. Granted, she's retaking two of them this semester, so the grades will be replaced. But part of being responsible is being honest. Admit that you made a mistake and learn from it. Change your ways and move on with your life. I'm in no way trying to say that I'm perfect because I've made mistakes too. Maybe I just take school more seriously. I know that my future depends on it. If I want to get a good job and move to Nashville and be able to buy and do the things I want to (i.e. Preds tickets), I have to graduate within a reasonable amount of time and with a good understanding of what it is I want to do in my career.
No, I don't have all the answers. But she has put no thought into what she wants to do. She decided to get out of nursing because A&P was too hard. Basing decisions like that on one class seems ridiculous to me. But maybe that's the immaturity. Sometimes I forget that she is 18, but when I see flashes of the mature adult she can be, it gets confusing. I don't want to be her mother, but part of me feels like I got/get the brunt of the parenting. I feel like I am the one who is always under the microscope when it comes to things like school and doing things around the house. I get lecture upon lecture, while she continues the same actions I've gotten lectured for. If my parents won't try to provide some kind of structure, I feel like I have to. I know she doesn't like me trying to tell her things, but I only tell her what I've learned from my experiences. I'm trying to help her avoid the mistakes I've made. She tells me to leave her alone, but if I do that I'm afraid she'll end up on the wrong road. Maybe the me trying to be a mother thing came from me always having to be the other adult when my dad was gone. It wasn't easy growing up in a house like that, but we didn't have a choice.
Maybe after her second semester she'll realize that she can't continue the way she is. Honestly, I don't see anything changing. I still see her being irresponsible with her money and complaining to mom and dad. And it'll continue that way until I can afford to be on my own again. As much as it irritates me, that is life and it's what I'll have to deal with for the foreseeable future.

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