I think I've figured it out. I was watching TV the other day, and someone said "I don't want to be with him, but I don't want anyone else to either."
Maybe that's what it is. I don't think things would ever be able to work out between me and Scott, but I don't want him to be trying anything with anyone else either. I might feel better about him being with someone else if I was already with someone else, but until then I think it'll bother me. I already know the problems between us, and he doesn't seem to be trying to change anything. So barring any major changes, I think our ship has sailed. He just doesn't communicate well. It's all very short. I know he cares about me because when we were on the phone the other week he said that what I thought mattered because I was his oldest friend. But he does a really bad job at showing it. I care what he thinks about too, but it rarely ever goes past short responses. Maybe this is just another difference between men and women. I want him to talk to me the way I talk to my other friends I guess. My friends and I go on and on, and even though Scott and I are "friends" I feel like we never talk about things that matter. But maybe it's a good thing we don't communicate in that way, because if I had to hear about all the stupid chicks he "talks" to and then stops "talking" to, I'd come through the phone and kill him.
Jealousy and loneliness sure are funny things.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 27, 2009
The root of all evil
I like to think I'm a fairly even headed person, but I don't want to act like the grown up I am supposed to be. I want to make bad decisions and have to be bailed out. I want to waste my money on the Predators, and I am and have been doing just that. But reality is a real beeyotch. My bank account is slowly dwindling and I can't start work for pay at APSU until May. I want the Predators to make the playoffs with all my heart, but I don't know how I will do it financially if they make it past the first round. Gas, tickets, and food are freaking expensive. Having a drink or a hot dog at a game adds up over the season.
And I found out that Demetri Martin is coming to Nashville on April 16th. I really want to go. I want to buy the ticket, but I can't help but wonder if the Preds do make the playoffs and have a game that night, I'll be pissed I paid for the ticket to not go to the show. I just don't know. Think I'll do some serious budgeting tomorrow at work.
I started a new blog for all my hockey thoughts. I'm sure the two will intertwine, but oh well.
And I found out that Demetri Martin is coming to Nashville on April 16th. I really want to go. I want to buy the ticket, but I can't help but wonder if the Preds do make the playoffs and have a game that night, I'll be pissed I paid for the ticket to not go to the show. I just don't know. Think I'll do some serious budgeting tomorrow at work.
I started a new blog for all my hockey thoughts. I'm sure the two will intertwine, but oh well.
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Overdue updates
Almost a month ago now, I went to St. Louis, which was quite possibly the most amazing trip ever. Not only did Jenn go with, which is awesome in itself, but we sat behind the Preds bench, which made for some interesting stories and looks. The Preds won in overtime on a goal, by the one and only Shea Weber. And we both knew he was gonna score it. Like I said, best trip ever with the best moments ever, plus the best fettuccini alfredo I've ever had in my entire life.
Last weekend, had me road tripping up to Philadelphia. That drive sucked. Virginia and West Virginia combined are the worst states ever. And I thought Illinois was bad. There was nothing but trailers. Seriously. Philadelphia was fun. Did a lot of walking, but we saw the Liberty Bell and ran the Rocky steps. Also saw a really crappy Preds game. We lost and played horribly, but I still had a good time. Was totally being hit on by this Anaheim fan all night, and you know what, it felt good. I always waste my time with idiots who don't have a clue and don't show any interest at all. It was nice to finally be chased in a way. The attention made me feel really good about myself, forgive the fact that he was kinda drunk. Now I'm wishing I had given him my number or exchanged facebooks because maybe there was something there. But we may never know. Either way, it was nice that out of the four of us at the game, I was the one getting attention. That never happens. That alone pretty much made my trip. Apparently, guys up northeast want me. Maybe I should move. Could never do it; it smells up there.
I'm letting myself get back in with the idiot. We texted back and forth while we were driving back from Philadelphia. He wants me to come see him in North Carolina. I can't let myself do it. That's a long drive, and for what? I probably wouldn't get anything out of it. He's been calling a lot lately too. I never answer. He called the other night while me and Jenn were at the Blackstone. He told me he'd call yesterday after I got off work. And of course, I was anxious all day and then nothing. Once again, another let down. Why can't I be like a guy and not worry over every little thing? I want to just let things go and roll with the punches; no pressure. But it never works that way. I'm just a glutton for punishment. If I had any balls at all, I'd block his number. But I just can't do it.
Now spring break is over, and Monday it will be back to real world. Work started yesterday, so now I can't just lay around the house all day like I've done all week. We're halfway through March, so here's hoping the rest of the semester flies by. I need it to be summer so I can start working for pay at the admissions office. My money is dwindling and it's not cool. Especially when I have playoff tickets and season tickets to pay for.
Speaking of season tickets, I'm cutting back to a half season for the next two years at least. You can lock in your prices and pay 2 years over 20 months. So I'm gonna do that. It'll be better as far as driving down there goes. Plus, it won't be as big a conflict with work. Thinking I could continue with full season tickets while in school was foolish. School and work need to come first. I have to graduate and get a good job so I can continue to go to the games. I've got my head screwed on straight, just have to make myself follow it through.
Last weekend, had me road tripping up to Philadelphia. That drive sucked. Virginia and West Virginia combined are the worst states ever. And I thought Illinois was bad. There was nothing but trailers. Seriously. Philadelphia was fun. Did a lot of walking, but we saw the Liberty Bell and ran the Rocky steps. Also saw a really crappy Preds game. We lost and played horribly, but I still had a good time. Was totally being hit on by this Anaheim fan all night, and you know what, it felt good. I always waste my time with idiots who don't have a clue and don't show any interest at all. It was nice to finally be chased in a way. The attention made me feel really good about myself, forgive the fact that he was kinda drunk. Now I'm wishing I had given him my number or exchanged facebooks because maybe there was something there. But we may never know. Either way, it was nice that out of the four of us at the game, I was the one getting attention. That never happens. That alone pretty much made my trip. Apparently, guys up northeast want me. Maybe I should move. Could never do it; it smells up there.
I'm letting myself get back in with the idiot. We texted back and forth while we were driving back from Philadelphia. He wants me to come see him in North Carolina. I can't let myself do it. That's a long drive, and for what? I probably wouldn't get anything out of it. He's been calling a lot lately too. I never answer. He called the other night while me and Jenn were at the Blackstone. He told me he'd call yesterday after I got off work. And of course, I was anxious all day and then nothing. Once again, another let down. Why can't I be like a guy and not worry over every little thing? I want to just let things go and roll with the punches; no pressure. But it never works that way. I'm just a glutton for punishment. If I had any balls at all, I'd block his number. But I just can't do it.
Now spring break is over, and Monday it will be back to real world. Work started yesterday, so now I can't just lay around the house all day like I've done all week. We're halfway through March, so here's hoping the rest of the semester flies by. I need it to be summer so I can start working for pay at the admissions office. My money is dwindling and it's not cool. Especially when I have playoff tickets and season tickets to pay for.
Speaking of season tickets, I'm cutting back to a half season for the next two years at least. You can lock in your prices and pay 2 years over 20 months. So I'm gonna do that. It'll be better as far as driving down there goes. Plus, it won't be as big a conflict with work. Thinking I could continue with full season tickets while in school was foolish. School and work need to come first. I have to graduate and get a good job so I can continue to go to the games. I've got my head screwed on straight, just have to make myself follow it through.
Friday, March 13, 2009
10 honest things
Sarah tagged me awhile back, and I'm just now getting around to doing this.
I'm supposed to write 10 honest things.
I'm not tagging other people cuz I don't follow that many blogs.
1. I prefer to drive alone. There's nothing quite as relaxing as cranking the music and driving down the highway. It's my happy place.
2. I'm afraid of change. I'm not big on meeting new people, trying new restaurants, or going new places. I'm too shy to initiate conversations with people I'm not comfortable with. And I'm too picky to eat new places for fear of spending money of something I won't like. And going places I've never been just scares the crap out of me. I think about all the possible things that can go wrong. I like sticking with doing things the way I have been. But I must say, I've had some good experiences at some new restaurants and in new places. And I even chatted up a stranger in Philadelphia. All were flukes. I'll stay in my comfort zone for the most part.
3. I don't believe that time heals all wounds. Time passes and people come back and re-open wounds. And I am one of those people who just can't get over things. It's a huge flaw. I hold onto grudges and all kinds of other things. Most of the time I keep it to myself, even if it's bugging the hell out of me.
4. I love being praised and complimented. Ever since I was a kid, I've been a glory-seeker. I like being told when I've done something good. That small thing usually makes my day.
5. I hate listening to people bitch. Everyone needs to vent every once in awhile, but the excessiveness of it annoys the crap out of me. Somehow I am always the one people come to, and I like that I really do. But I feel like it's never my turn. I always feel like I'm burdening other people.
6. Sports are my way of connecting with my Dad. My favorite thing is when we get to sit down and have coffee and watch Sportscenter together. We may not talk, but I love spending that time with him. I don't think he really likes hockey, but the fact that he makes an effort to look at the scores and talk to me about it makes me really happy.
7. I put everyone else first. I come off as a bitch at times, but I am always worrying about if people think I'm mean. Unless someone forces me to do something good for myself instead, I'll do things for other people. I wish I could stop because I've gotten taken advantage of way too many times.
8. I don't hate my job. It has bad days, but I like what I do and the fact that I can get online when we're slow. I generally like the people I work with too. Everyone hates their jobs and has days where they'd love to walk out, and I'm no different. I just try to make the best out of it, because let's face it, no one else will give me this type of money and these good of hours. It's the perfect situation for me while I'm still in school. You have to make the best out of your bad days.
9. Lots of people like me and think I'm nice, but I genuinely think I have only a handful of close friends, and even they don't know nearly as much about me as I know about them. I tend to be shy and not want to trouble people with my stupid drama.
10. I allow myself to get talked into things way too easily. Which is partly to blame for me not being so financially responsible. I need to learn to say no, even though I want to be able to go out and be a part of the group.
Coming up with 10 things may be the most difficult thing ever, It took almost my whole shift at work. Geez, who could have though coming up with 10 honest things would be so hard?
I'm supposed to write 10 honest things.
I'm not tagging other people cuz I don't follow that many blogs.
1. I prefer to drive alone. There's nothing quite as relaxing as cranking the music and driving down the highway. It's my happy place.
2. I'm afraid of change. I'm not big on meeting new people, trying new restaurants, or going new places. I'm too shy to initiate conversations with people I'm not comfortable with. And I'm too picky to eat new places for fear of spending money of something I won't like. And going places I've never been just scares the crap out of me. I think about all the possible things that can go wrong. I like sticking with doing things the way I have been. But I must say, I've had some good experiences at some new restaurants and in new places. And I even chatted up a stranger in Philadelphia. All were flukes. I'll stay in my comfort zone for the most part.
3. I don't believe that time heals all wounds. Time passes and people come back and re-open wounds. And I am one of those people who just can't get over things. It's a huge flaw. I hold onto grudges and all kinds of other things. Most of the time I keep it to myself, even if it's bugging the hell out of me.
4. I love being praised and complimented. Ever since I was a kid, I've been a glory-seeker. I like being told when I've done something good. That small thing usually makes my day.
5. I hate listening to people bitch. Everyone needs to vent every once in awhile, but the excessiveness of it annoys the crap out of me. Somehow I am always the one people come to, and I like that I really do. But I feel like it's never my turn. I always feel like I'm burdening other people.
6. Sports are my way of connecting with my Dad. My favorite thing is when we get to sit down and have coffee and watch Sportscenter together. We may not talk, but I love spending that time with him. I don't think he really likes hockey, but the fact that he makes an effort to look at the scores and talk to me about it makes me really happy.
7. I put everyone else first. I come off as a bitch at times, but I am always worrying about if people think I'm mean. Unless someone forces me to do something good for myself instead, I'll do things for other people. I wish I could stop because I've gotten taken advantage of way too many times.
8. I don't hate my job. It has bad days, but I like what I do and the fact that I can get online when we're slow. I generally like the people I work with too. Everyone hates their jobs and has days where they'd love to walk out, and I'm no different. I just try to make the best out of it, because let's face it, no one else will give me this type of money and these good of hours. It's the perfect situation for me while I'm still in school. You have to make the best out of your bad days.
9. Lots of people like me and think I'm nice, but I genuinely think I have only a handful of close friends, and even they don't know nearly as much about me as I know about them. I tend to be shy and not want to trouble people with my stupid drama.
10. I allow myself to get talked into things way too easily. Which is partly to blame for me not being so financially responsible. I need to learn to say no, even though I want to be able to go out and be a part of the group.
Coming up with 10 things may be the most difficult thing ever, It took almost my whole shift at work. Geez, who could have though coming up with 10 honest things would be so hard?
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