Sometimes you're the windshield

So I've fallen off the wagon for this 30 day meme, but I'll get back on eventually. I have stuff on my mind today.

I'm lonely. I have friends, and I live with family. I'm not alone, but I am lonely. It's hard to go through the day surrounded by people but constantly feel like they don't really care. People may ask, but these days it doesn't seem like they really care.

I have no one here who will just sit with me. Some days all I need is a hug and someone to tell me things are going to be okay. I'm not good at telling people what my problems are, but that doesn't mean they don't bother me. I miss having someone know that something was wrong and be able to call me on it. I miss knowing that someone cares enough to make me talk about things. I'm a guarded person, but those people who can push through and knock down my walls truly are important.

It seems more and more like people ask what's wrong just so they can make it about them. At this point, it's almost easier to stay quiet and pretend everything is okay. I miss being surrounded by people who truly know me, and I'm lonely without them.

30 day meme: Day 2

Today's post is a photo of something you ate today.

I had to work at 5, so I ate dinner early instead of starving at work. We had leftover ham in the fridge, but I wasn't feeling that. Sometimes you have all this food, but only want one thing. It would have been easier to heat up leftovers, but I was craving pasta.

I made some shell noodles and then found some alfredo sauce in the pantry.

I decided after eating it that the Great Value brand of alfredo sauce is not as good as the name brand, It's nice saving money on it, but the brand name tastes much better.

Maybe next time I'll stick to putting butter on my noodles instead of buying cheap alfredo sauce.

Tomorrow Jenn & I are going to St. Louis for the Preds game, so there probably won't be a post. I highly doubt I'll get up in the morning to blog. Considering I haven't packed yet, I'll probably be throwing a bag together.

30 day meme: Day 1

Day 1: A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was

I took this picture today, just for the blog, so feel special!

Today I woke up around 6am so I could register for classes. I managed to get into the final 4 classes I need to graduate in May. I'm pretty excited about the end being in sight :)

After I finished registering, I got ready for the day. I was ready early, like well before I needed to leave for class. I decided to go to Starbucks.
There's a barista there who likes me. He was flirting with me when I got my coffee before work on Saturday. And today he gave me a discount on my Peppermint mocha & told me he liked my earrings. Needless to say, I had a pretty good start to my day.

I made it to campus in time to walk to class with Heather. She told me a little but about her trip to California, and then we parted ways for class.

I took about 8 million pages of notes in class. She told us we're getting our next take home test next Tuesday. Thankfully, we don't have class Thursday (Thanks vets!). Me and Bryan discussed our group project and how we'll probably end up doing most of the work.

Then I went home to burn Ciara Taylor Swift's new CD. I had a package waiting for me. She bought me a Jeff Carter Flyers shirt for my birthday :)

I had to go to Wal-Mart to get a bubble mailer & coffee creamer. Then I went to the post office to mail Ciara's stuff.

And now I'm home writing this blog and watching "Intervention."

I have to work later tonight, and maybe I'll get some homework done.

30 day meme

Ashley & Sarah were doing this, so I borrowed it from them. Now that life has settled down a bit, I figured I'd go ahead and take a stab at it. I'm not the best at keeping up with blogger. I can't guarantee I'll write everyday, but I'll do my best!

Day 1- A photo of yourself and a description of how your day was
Day 2- A photo of something you ate today
Day 3- Your idea of a perfect first date
Day 4- Your favorite photo of your best friend
Day 5- A photo of yourself two years ago
Day 6- A photo of an animal you'd love to keep as a pet
Day 7- Your dream wedding
Day 8- A song to match your mood
Day 9- A photo of the item you last purchased
Day 10- A photo of your favorite place to eat
Day 11- What's in your makeup bag
Day 12- A photograph of the town you live in
Day 13- Your favorite musician and why
Day 14- A TV show you're currently addicted to
Day 15- Something you don't leave your house without
Day 16- Your celebrity crush
Day 17- A photo of you and your family
Day 18- Something you crave a lot
Day 19- Another picture of yourself
Day 20- The meaning behind your blog name
Day 21- A photo of something that makes you happy
Day 22- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently
Day 23- 15 facts about you
Day 24- A photo of something that means a lot to you
Day 25- What's in your purse?
Day 26- A photo of somewhere you've been to
Day 27- A picture of you last year and now and how you changed since then
Day 28- Your favorite movie
Day 29- Something you could never get tired of doing
Day 30- A photograph of yourself today + three good things that have happened in the past 30 days

Back from vacation!

But that's not what I'm going to write about today. Maybe tomorrow, or this weekend. My mind just isn't focused on that right now.

I'm in a peeved mood. It really irritates me when I act more mature than friends who are older than me. I feel like I'm more responsible than many of the people I know. It drives me crazy to watch people make terrible decisions and then try to justify them. Just because you're making all these excuses doesn't make it okay.

Now this isn't me getting on my high horse and saying I'm better than everyone else because I know that I make bad decisions too. I'm just fed up with people always talking about money, but never changing their habits. Living paycheck to paycheck is not a healthy way of life. You need to have savings in case of emergencies. Giving up things you enjoy is part of changing this habit. It's necessary. Saying no to going out is okay. Yes, it may suck, and you may be bored, but if you want to be independent, you HAVE to.

I really want to use my business degree to help people in this facet of life. I want to help people because I know that being responsible with your money is hard. I just wish parents raised their kids with a better sense of money. Maybe then we wouldn't have all these problems. There should be classes for parents to help their children understand money. I feel like that would fix a lot of the problems, but the parents have to be willing to change as well. It seems like a vicious circle. I'm just fed up with going over the same crap conversation after conversation. It gets old watching people do the same things over and over.

I'm no model

I did a photoshoot with my friend Heather today. She's doing a project for her art class & having people hold signs answering the question "If you could say one thing to the world, what would it be?"

My answer to this question was "You're not alone."

It's simple, but powerful if you've ever struggled with what you're going through or your place in the world. And in my almost 22 years on this earth, I've struggled with a lot. I felt like I needed a profound message, but this one worked for me, simple as it was.

After we looked through the pictures, I realized I didn't really like any. I feel like I looked fat and uncomfortable. Just another struggle with body image I guess. I just don't think I'm photogenic.

Heather said the ones where I was sitting and holding the sign were good, so I guess they'll do. If I like it enough maybe I'll put it on facebook if she sends them to me.

Jackie's and Heather's pictures look great though. They're both beautiful. I have gorgeous friends :)

I loved her idea for this project though. Everyone has something they want or need to say, and this gives them the chance to share. I wish I was creative like that.

Is my best enough?

I know I'm a good friend, but every once in awhile things happen that make me wonder. I'm always there for my friends, no matter what. But sometimes I wonder if I'm there in the ways they need me. I don't always have the right words to say or know what I can say to make things better.

One of my friends recently went through a divorce. Having never been in that situation, I've found it really hard to know what to say to try to take the sting off a little. She's been there for me, and has always known what to say to me when I've had guy issues. Now that she needs me to return the favor, I'm worried I can't do as good as she did.

Is there ever really a right thing to be said in situations like this? I've found myself asking myself that question and coming up blank. I'm doing the best I can, and saying what I think needs to be said. I just hope I'm not letting her or anyone else down as a friend. I've got huge expectations for myself not only in life, but in my relationships with other people.